It has been quite some time now, I've been working in Capital Markets and not that I know much but, whatever I have acquired working for one of the Europe's biggest bank (refrain the name).
Here are some foolproof ways to make money in the stock market, since, obviously, investing your own money isn’t a very good option.
1. Start a Broking Firm
Get some idiot investors to buy and sell stocks daily and earn brokerage on their transactions. Convincing them that they are the next Warren Buffett or Rakesh Jhunjhunwala might help.
2. Start a Research Firm
Convince other idiot investors that you have the ‘key’ to becoming rich instantly – your valuable ‘research’ which will point them to the next multibaggers, and sell it to them. It works better if you are also their broker.
3. Start a Hedge Fund
Start a hedge fund, preferably a closed-end one. Convince people that you are the next Warren Buffett, and get them to invest in your fund. Once you have their money, invest in the riskiest securities you can find. Your bonuses are tied to the performance of your fund, and you are playing with other people’s money. Is there any better way to get rich? You have tremendous upside, limited only by the amount of risk you can take, and zero downside. Even if you fail miserably, you will still get a 2% fixed fee. If you do well, you will get the 2% fee + a 10-20% share of the profits.
Note: This will work only if you can convince other people to let you handle their money.
4. Start an Investment Bank
First of all, try to become as big as possible, by actually doing all the boring stuff that investment banks are supposed to do – IPOs, underwriting etc. When you become “too big to fail”, put all your clients’ money in the riskiest shit you can find. Start a proprietary trading division to invest your clients’ funds, and create synthetic instruments no one can understand easily. By the time they do, the world will have collapsed and the system will have to bail you out.
Even if they don’t, and your firm goes under, you still have your multi-million dollar bonuses, right?
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Disclaimer
The post above is purely based on my personal experience and understanding. It is in no way meant to offend any person or institution what so ever!
Here are some foolproof ways to make money in the stock market, since, obviously, investing your own money isn’t a very good option.
1. Start a Broking Firm
Get some idiot investors to buy and sell stocks daily and earn brokerage on their transactions. Convincing them that they are the next Warren Buffett or Rakesh Jhunjhunwala might help.
2. Start a Research Firm
Convince other idiot investors that you have the ‘key’ to becoming rich instantly – your valuable ‘research’ which will point them to the next multibaggers, and sell it to them. It works better if you are also their broker.
3. Start a Hedge Fund
Start a hedge fund, preferably a closed-end one. Convince people that you are the next Warren Buffett, and get them to invest in your fund. Once you have their money, invest in the riskiest securities you can find. Your bonuses are tied to the performance of your fund, and you are playing with other people’s money. Is there any better way to get rich? You have tremendous upside, limited only by the amount of risk you can take, and zero downside. Even if you fail miserably, you will still get a 2% fixed fee. If you do well, you will get the 2% fee + a 10-20% share of the profits.
Note: This will work only if you can convince other people to let you handle their money.
4. Start an Investment Bank
First of all, try to become as big as possible, by actually doing all the boring stuff that investment banks are supposed to do – IPOs, underwriting etc. When you become “too big to fail”, put all your clients’ money in the riskiest shit you can find. Start a proprietary trading division to invest your clients’ funds, and create synthetic instruments no one can understand easily. By the time they do, the world will have collapsed and the system will have to bail you out.
Even if they don’t, and your firm goes under, you still have your multi-million dollar bonuses, right?
========================================================================
Disclaimer
The post above is purely based on my personal experience and understanding. It is in no way meant to offend any person or institution what so ever!
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